Tiger Moms

Tiger Moms

1. What do you think about this type of parenting? Explain – strengths and weaknesses
2. Compare this to Diane Baumrind’s 4 styles of parenting.
3. Ask your parents what type of parents they grew up with and if it has influenced the choices they have made

ARTICLE FROM THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

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5 Responses to Tiger Moms

  1. Samantha Kosziollek says:

    1). I think this type of parenting has both strengths and weaknesses. I, personally, don’t like this parenting style. Its strengths would be the results seen in the child’s efforts. I think that the notion of not letting the child give up is another strength, but that’s seen in other parenting styles as well, like the Western’s. I think that that notion could be approached differently, yet still beneficial. So, that leads me to the weaknesses of this parenting style. Its weaknesses would be the way “failure” is addressed. In my own home, I prefer encouragement rather than comments like “you’re stupid” or “this is a disgrace.” I feel that this style degrades the child (even though in the article, the child wasn’t that really emotionally devastated by the comments). Viewpoints of the child are also rarely listened to, but a child’s viewpoint must be listened to in order for them to develop autonomy – making their own decisions based on their maturity. I also found another weakness to be one involving the inability for the child to participate in extracurricular activities that they are interested in (perhaps like sports, plays) – but maybe the parents aren’t. I think getting involved does help you develop not only social skills but also skills that could help them in a classroom or a work setting. I immediately thought of applying to colleges when I read about the activities section of the text; colleges look for a well-rounded student, not just one with a really high academic standing (although that is very helpful when scholarships come into play).

    2). I would compare this to Diane Baumrind’s authoritarian style of parenting. The authoritarian style of parenting is the perfect match for this parenting style because it describes the parents as being cold and rejecting (disgraced if the child is not the very best), as well as the parents degrading the child by yelling, criticizing, and relying on punishment when something goes wrong. The authoritarian parents are also highly demanding, just as the Chinese parents were. Authoritarian parents often make most of the decisions for their child, just as the Chinese parents did when it came to what extracurricular activities (if any) would be pursued.

    3). As my mother grew up, her parents weren’t usually heavily involved. Her father always worked late hours, and her mother…(something not to be brought up). I wouldn’t necessarily want to classify her parents as being uninvolved, but she did do most things on her own. She became independent at an early age, and she still doesn’t rely on too many other people besides herself. My father, on the other hand, had parents who were heavily concentrated on academics, as well as physical exercise. So, they allowed him to play soccer, but they also “drilled” information into his head. They were involved in his life, allowing him to make decisions by himself (except what he really wanted to study in college). He regrets not listening to his parents about his grades – wishes he had focused more on studies, but he still is doing well for himself and the family 🙂 !

  2. Yassmine Issa says:

    Yassmine Issa:

    1) I think there are several different things that she mentioned in which I agree with, but then there are other points where I think it might have been too strict or harsh and that there was a better way of approaching the problem. When speaking of the way she responded to her children’s grades, I think that is probably what I agree with most. I might not have screamed and completely lost it with a B, but I think just accepting it and “praising” the child would only make them think that they didn’t need to work harder to improve that grade. Speaking through personal experience, my parents didn’t really accept B’s and always had me review and work harder on the chapter to make sure I improve my grade. However, when she was speaking of her daughter and the piano recital, I do not entirely agree with how she approached that. I agree with the notion of not letting her child just give up but I think it was also too much to have them practice hour after hour and not let her get up for a bathroom break or to drink any water.

    2) This form of parenting would go under the authoritarian style of parenting. The parent i highly demanding of the child, not accepting any grade under an A and forces the child to keep playing an instrument until they get it right. They parent makes all the decisions for the child such as what instrument they will be playing and what extracurricular activities the child would be participating in. The parent doesn’t care about the child’s self-esteem and looks at them in a point of view of strength rather than fragility.

    3) My mother grew up with very strict parents and she was restricted from doing several different things growing up. Along with this, my grandparents were very serious about her grades too and this influenced the way my mom is with my grades. My mom usually doesn’t accept grades under a 90; my father too. They get very upset with the grade and make sure I study even harder for the next upcoming test.

  3. Karina Escalante says:

    1) I think that this type of parenting is a an effective way of parenting, but it is clear to me that it has some weaknesses. I praise the fact that Chinese parents encourage and drill their children to constantly practice and strive to be the best in whatever they do. I also think that the outcomes of the child’s hard work (i.e. confidence and desire to do better) is a very important lesson that many kids in the West do not experience today. However, I do not so much agree with the fact that Chinese mothers restrict their children from doing certain things. I feel like children do have their individual interests, and that it is not up to the parent to decide what their children should do or like. I think parents should push their children to be the best in things that they like to do or are truly interested in. I don’t think that restricting children from attending sleepovers, play-dates, or even doing certain extracurricular activities is completely necessary, either. I feel like these types of things are essential to a child’e development, because it allows children to interact with others and gives them the ability to recall them as positive memories. I also am not a fan of a mother calling their child names. I think that one must simply use encouraging words or simply be blunt when lecturing a child.

    2) This relates greatly to Diane Baumrind’s authoritarian style of parenting because authoritarian parents seem to control or be in demand of their children’s lives. These parents do not tolerate any discussion of rules, in other words, implying that it is either their way or no way at all. (Amy’s refusal to let her daughter give up on playing the piano).They demand obedience and enforce punishment if their child does not do so. (Getting straight A’s, being the best, and engaging in activities chosen by the parent). These criteria are strikingly similar in the article’s portrayal of Chinese parenting.

    3) My mother grew up with parents that she felt did not really encourage her to be the best in school or in any other activities (unlike a Chinese mother). However, she was not allowed to do other things like sleep over someone’s house or hang out with them unless her parents sincerely knew the parents of the other child. Because of how strict my grandparents were with my mother, I feel as if she has more of a loose parenting style with me, even though I still have to follow her rules. My grandparents realize this and sometimes do not approve of some of the freedoms that my mother gives me. I still see my mother as an amazing parent because she encourages me to do the best I can do and she will get upset with me if I become lazy. She has helped me over the years to be independent.
    My father considers himself “self-made, self-encouraged, and self-motivated”. His parents were loving and present throughout his life, but they did not understand the type of environment in the United States (since they were first-generation immigrants). He did not go out much or have friends over because as a child, his family did not have much money. He was allowed to play sports and participate in activities that did not really require money. Overall, he only encouraged himself in school, sports and other activities because he did not have a parental role model.

  4. Ruben Ocana says:

    1. What do you think about this type of parenting? Explain – strengths and weaknesses.
    This type of parenting to me is just way too extreme. I don’t like it at all because I feel that they’re not letting the child be his own individual. Its strengths are clear, the child will be ready to face the academic challenges the future holds, since they’ve been so well prepared all their life. The child will have a “anything’s possible/nothing’s impossible” approach since their Chinese mother never let them give up. But the problems I see are as follows: what about the child’s own personality? How can they form a sense of identity if their parents are always controlling them? How will they feel outside of home (social environment). If Erik Erikson saw what the tiger moms were doing I think he would flip out. The child’s going through psychosocial stages all inadequately. Sure he’s a genius, but how can he feel comfortable around people when he doesn’t even feel comfortable with his caregiver, the person that’s supposed to shape who the child is from birth? I mean, what if the child is supposed to be the next Jet Lee or Lucy Liu (yes, they both had Chinese mothers) and their mothers aren’t letting them because they can’t go show off their talent in a school play. Or what if the child is really good at a sport, but he can’t go try out for the team since his parent doesn’t let him. All these things shape an individual and help them interact with others, so the Chinese mom parenting type to me isn’t so good.
    2. Compare this to Diane Baumrind’s 4 styles of parenting.
    Diane Baumrind’s 4 styles of parenting are authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved. Out of all these choices, the authoritarian parent by far is the one most similar, if not the same exact style, as the Chinese tiger mom’s style of parenting. It describes the parents as cold and rejecting; frequently rejecting the child (ex. like calling their child “garbage” or saying their classmates are ahead of them). The authoritarian parent is highly demanding (ex. “I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn’t let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone.” –Amy Chua) and may use coercion by yelling, commanding, criticizing, and reliance on punishment. Finally, the one that in my opinion is most important, is that an authoritarian parent makes most decisions for the child, and rarely listen’s to the child’s point of view (ex. Not be in a school play or have a sleep over).
    3. Ask your parents what type of parents they grew up with and if it has influenced the choices they have made
    My mom grew up being daddy’s little girl and mommy’s little helper. Her father was a detective in Ecuador and her mom didn’t work, she was too busy raising 8 kids. The way my mom described how she grew up, I feel that my grandma used the authoritative style (warm and loving, reasonable demands for maturity level, permits child to make decisions in accord to developmental readiness, listens to the child) and my grandpa used the permissive style of parenting (warm and loving but may spoil the child, few or no demands, permission to do things before the child is ready). My mom says the way she grew up truly has influenced the decisions she’s made in life because her mother taught her how to cook, how to wash clothes, how to ride a bike, etc. and her father really let her live her life outside of home. She’s the type of parent who reminisces all the time of what her mom or dad made/let her do and always followed what she believed they would think is right. Sure they were strict with certain things such as boys, but when it came down to her wanting to be with her friends from her all girls school or even going to sleep over someone else’s home, they would let her because they thought she was her own individual (obviously not all the time though since she said there had to be a balance between her parents’ different styles). Anyway, my mom wanted to be a cop but ended up being a mother of 3, taking care of 8 (or more; she’s a babysitter).

    Sorry about not writing about my dad but he’s not here atm.

  5. Melissa Fellin says:

    1) I found strengths and weaknesses in this type of parenting. I liked how Chua brought up the idea that nothing is fun until you’re good at it and at first I didn’t agree with that but then when I read her explanation I realized where she was coming from. I think that especially with school, it is not fun until you know what is going on and understand the material. I know if I had no idea what was going on in school I wouldn’t want to go either. Also, they constantly work with the child if they are not doing well in school. It’s not like they expect them to magically work through their math problems but rather they work with them on in with things like practice tests. I agree with their idea that every child is able to get very high grades which is why they don’t accept low grades. It bothers me when people blame their poor grades on them being “stupid” but just like the “Tiger Parents” I think that any child has the opportunity to get good grades through studying Although I think that a weakness is that they restrict there child from doing the things they really want to do in life. This might be just a Western viewpoint but I mean obviously if you instill something in a child when they are so young, they wouldn’t know any other way or doing things or playing the violin will just be a way of life in a way. Parents might be doing this to better the child but I think they should let the child explore what they want to do and then from there be strict or demanding about things like practice, recital, games, etc. I know my parents never forced me to do any kind or sport or play an instrument but they did enroll me into different things and when I really liked basketball, they made sure I stuck with it. They came to all my games drove me to practices, my dad always played with me and they made sure I became very good at it. However, when I tried playing softball I told them I didn’t like it and just like that I was off the team. I wouldn’t have liked them to force it on me. I also didn’t like how they weren’t able to have play dates, be apart of school plays and it seems like anything that is usually fun and exciting for children. I really don’t know what child at the age of 4 wants to be forced to play an instrument. I think allowing them to interact with their age group allows them to be social. If the parents are so demanding from a young age how can the children form a sense of identity? I also don’t like how degrading they can be. Again, this is from a western viewpoint, but I don’t think degrading a child ever works. Motivation and degradation are two different things to me, but they are synonymous in this type of parenting. Motivation to me should be encouraging words and actions not words that make a child feel like they haven’t done enough. If you motivate a child and constantly work with them to improve whatever it is they are struggling with I think it will boost self-esteem and the child can feel like they actually can do something instead of worrying about what new name they’ll be called for not learning a certain piano piece by 7. However, despite all of this whatever they do obviously works and at least they get involved in their child’s life and I think even though they might get too involved, its better than being totally apathetic.

    2) This kind of parenting to me is different than the 4 types of parenting by Diane Baumrind but it falls under the Authoritarian style more than the others. I feel like the parents are definitely rejecting because they decide everything for their children and if the child were to have their own opinion about what they want to do the parents are going to reject it because they ultimately know what’s best for the child. They also degrade the child through name calling. I think they also degrade the child by forcing so much on them that they don’t trust that they can succeed which to me basically says that they wouldn’t know how to do anything without there parents guidance.They are definitely also high demanding in every aspect- it seems like they have to be the best at EVERY single thing they do except gym or drama. They also use coercion by being so commanding like the piano incident, along with yelling and punishment. They also make most of the decisions for the child and definitely do not listen to the child’s viewpoint.

    3) Both of my parents parents were very strict with them. My dad’s parents were strict but also uninvolved. They were immigrants and my grandfather was homeless from age 6 and both of them didn’t receive formal education so they never really learned the value of an education. They were strict in what my father could do and where he could go but other than that they didn’t get too with things like school work. So, when the decision came for my dad to go to college, but grandparents weren’t too very supportive financially or just supportive in general so he never went and he immensely regrets it. I think that’s why they really want my brothers and I to do well in school and pay so much for Catholic school. On the other hand my moms parents were also very strict but they cared more about school than my dad’s parents. They too were immigrants and they were very very strict about where my mother would go (She was 30 and still had to be home by 11). They too didn’t get too involved with school but they always wanted to see good grades. When my mom went to college, she wanted to be a beautician but my parents thought that wasn’t a job that would make money so they made her study something she didn’t want to. Long strong short, she left college two year in because my grandparents made her take care of there restaurant and she couldn’t balance school and maintaining a restaurant so she had to drop out. She feels like she could have become something more if she would have continued her education but is happy she got to raise us. My dad feels the same way and even though he has a good paying job, it’s still not what he wanted to become.

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